The NICE Network


Welcome to the NICE Network! By accessing these pages, you are automatically registered as a member of the NICE Network. Don't worry -- you will receive no junk mail, nor will any agent visit your home! The enrollment process is already complete.

As a full member in good standing of the NICE Network, you will begin receiving benefits immediately. Already, streams of positive energy disguised as white noise are streaming towards your television screen. Electrons of excitement and even ecstacy are entering through your computer's data port. The manifestations of this Noise-Information in your physical world is only moments away!

Membership in the NICE Network is irrevocable. By perceiving information in the form of noise, you are already on your way to becoming a NICEr person. Soon, other members of the Network will recognize you, on the street or in an elevator, and will give you the subtle greeting extended to all members of the Network: eye contact and a smile. Show them you're NICE, too, and return the secret greeting!

NICE people the world over have no trouble recognizing each other. What's more, the greeting can be used not only to find other NICE people -- it also works as a great recruitment tool! If you spot someone who you think isn't NICE but should be, make eye contact and smile! If your greeting is returned in kind, then the conversion is complete. The Noise-Information transfer via visual communication has been achieved, and you have just inducted another human being into the NICE Network.

Remember: membership in the NICE Network is absolutely free, and entails only one obligation -- when greeted in the NICE way, you must respond in kind.

Thank you for your interest in the Network. And welcome to a world that's full of NICE people!

Comments about the NICE Network should be directed to Brad Anderson, Noise Laboratories' Corporate Stupid.

Noise Laboratories has no affiliation with NICE Network, Inc.

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Updated 30 December 1996
Steve Hoey, Chief Safety Inspector